Mourning FAQs
Q) What does Shiva mean?
A) Literally it means seven; it consists of the seven days following the funeral. During this time, The mourner emerges from his state of intense grief, to a state where he is able to talk bout his loss and accept comfort from his friends and neighbors During this time the family is said to be “sitting Shiva” or “observing Shiva” In modern times there is a great deal of variability in how long this period is. Frequently this time is split among more than one house.
Q) Why is Shiva sat for seven days?
A) The seven days of mourning are similar to the seven days of rejoicing performed on major holidays. Just as feats are observed for seven days, so should mourning last for one week.
Q) What should one expect at the home of someone sitting Shiva?
A) In the Jewish tradition, comforting the family of the deceased is a community responsibility. Family and friends come to the Shiva home to extend their condolences and support the family. Therefore, unless otherwise stated, you do not need an invitation to attend. Find out in advance if there are certain times the family wishes for visitors to attend. You may want to bring food, or make a donation in memory of the deceased (depending on the family’s wishes).
Q) What is the purpose of the eulogy?
A) The eulogy is intended to praise the deceased for his worthy qualities, as well as express the grief and sense of loss experienced by the mourners and the entire Jewish community.
Q) Why do mourners shovel earth into the grave during the funeral?
A) Shoveling of the earth is considered to be a personal goodbye. Also, covering the casket with earth is a symbol of finality, and helps the mourner accept the death.
Q) How should one act while at the cemetery?
A)One should show the same respect as one would show at a synagogue. This means that one should not eat or drink while at the cemetery, as well as that appropriate attire should be worn.
Q) How can you help someone who is grieving?
A) Everyone experiences grief differently. You may be (understandably) uncomfortable as well. Although it may not be what you need, try to take a cue from the family of the deceased. If the family member does not want to talk, respect that. You can tell them you are available if they need you. Some people may want to talk. Let them say as much or as little as they want. Often, the family of the deceased has tremendous support during the Shiva, but the weeks and months following can be lonely and hard. This may be a good time to offer to help them through prayers or other services.
Q) At the cemetery I noticed people placing a rock on peoples graves. Why is this done?
A) Leaving a pebble is a way of erecting a small monument to honor the deceased. It is also a symbol that someone came by to visit this grave.
Q) What is the Kaddish?
A) The Kaddish is a prayer, which displays the vigorous declaration of faith. It transfers the inner gaze of the mourner from the departed to the living, from despair to hope, and from isolation to the community.
Q) What is the Yahrzeit?
A) The Yahrzeit is the anniversary of death. It takes place exactly one year after death has occurred. It is considered a day of sadness and tragedy. Mourners may fast during this day, and should light candles. It is suggested that charitable donations are made during this day.