Customs

Below are some customs, which you may witness when paying a Shiva call.  This is not intended to influence people in the way in which to conduct a Shiva, rather to inform visitors of what they may expect when visiting a Shiva home. 

• Shiva is the seven-day period of mourning following the burial.  During this time, it is customary for friends and family to comfort the mourners by paying a Shiva call to the house.  While Shiva, (derived from the Hebrew word for seven) does last seven days, people may not want visitors all seven days.  Be sure to check when an appropriate time to pay your respects would be.
  • It is suggested that you only pay a Shiva call during the times requested.

• When returning from the cemetery to the Shiva house, a bowl of water is commonly placed outside the front door for people to wash their hands before entering the house.
  • This is a symbol of the ancient custom of purification after contact with the dead.

• When returning home from the cemetery, a meal of condolence is served.  Friends of the mourners traditionally provide this meal. 

• Candles are lit when returning from the cemetery, and typically burn for seven days.
  • The candle symbolizes the human being.  The wick and flame symbolize the body and soul.

• The mirrors in the Shiva home may be covered.
  • There are a variety of reasons as to why this practice occurs.  Click Here to read up on this and other traditions.

• It is customary to bring food to the home where someone is sitting Shiva. The mourners’ dietary restrictions (kosher, etc.) should be respected. It is customary not to take food out of a home during Shiva (though this may vary according to the family’s wishes).

• Flowers and gifts are traditionally not given, rather, it is suggested that you make a donation to a school or charity in honor or the deceased. 

• In the evening, there is commonly a service in the Shiva home where the Kaddish (a memorial prayer) is recited.   A Minyan is required in order for this service to be conducted.
  • A Minyan consists of 10 people whom have all been Barmitzvahed. In certain situations, only men may count towards a minyan.

• The mourner may have a torn piece of clothing, or in some situations, be wearing a piece of black cloth on them. 
  • If the tear, or cloth is over the heart, this means that the mourner’s parent has died.

• The mourners may sit on stools or low benches.
  • This is symbolic of the physical adjustment to ones emotional state, by lowering the body to the level of one’s feelings.